林,
It’s an in-yun if two strangers
even walk by each other on the street
and their clothes accidentally brush.
Because it means there must have been
something between them in their past lives.
If two people get married,
they say it’s because there have been
8,000 layers of in-yun
over 8,000 lifetimes.
—
I hadn't paid much attention to the boy on the screen. I’d walked into a restaurant, sat next to my friends, and there he was - on a 6x3 video call. A brisk hello, a push of a button, and then he was gone.
I asked who he was; they smiled, with a hint of glee - or perhaps mischief, perhaps anticipation.
.
You’d get along, they quipped. You read, he reads. He reads a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Classics. Hemingway. Oh! You'll be in the same city next month!
They showed me two images on his profile - one with a series of books laid flat on a wooden table, another with an oddly shaped bookshelf, lined with rows and rows of books. I see classics. I see Hemingway.
I’d fallen in love with his bookshelf first, but of course, he had no idea.
—
The first time I really saw him, he had been elbows-deep in soapy sink water, scrubbing away at a pot or a pan or whatever contraption he had used to prepare the meal. The room had been unbearably loud, filled with the clanking of glasses, the clamouring of voices, the competing conversations.
His silence cut through the noise. I hadn’t been looking for him - in fact, I’d been avoiding eye contact, wanting nothing more than to retreat to my room - but recognized him instantly. He was unbothered by the chaos, nonchalantly washing dishes, eyes steady. I sat on a bar stool and ate my dinner in silence. We said little that night - the conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes.
—
He reappeared a few days later. He had been reading papers by a window in a dimly-lit cafe, something on recombinant DNA. I’d gone to meet him with a mutual friend, and by the end of that night, the two of us had chatted for four, maybe five hours.
I describe that encounter as finding my second brain. My better brain. Every so often, our lucky stars align just enough that we meet someone we innately know are on the same wavelength. It’s refreshing because they understand you in your entirety, can understand your thought process, without the need for extensive explanation.
This type of closeness is typically built over time. A close friend bears witness to your circumstances and your growth over an extended period, gathering enough data points to form intuitive feedback and responses. Very rarely does someone you’ve only known for five hours finish your sentences so effortlessly, reiterate your thinking so concisely, and rally your jokes so punnily.
That conversation holds an indescribable weight in my head and heart. Words don’t do it justice. The best phrasing I can offer is that it all felt natural. Intuitive. We built ideas that were complex, but it all came easily. There was no point where I felt like I had to hold back, filter my words, or downplay my emotions.
—
There are moments when we wonder what would have happened if we’d initiated something earlier, changing the course of circumstance. What if we had more time?
It’s fun to let my mind wander - if one teeny-tiny decision had been altered (imagine the verse-jumping map from Everything Everywhere All At Once) how would things have been different?
The conclusion I’ve reached is that everything happened the way it was supposed to, when it was supposed to. Our time not spent together, or from a distance, makes the present that much more meaningful. All the knowing looks and inside jokes were made possible only because we were best friends from the start. These are our first principles.
Each interaction was honest because there were no expectations, no partnership or romantic future at stake. I could give him my most candid thoughts. He could (and did) give me his worst wordplays. I could carefully unveil and polish each gear in his mind, turning them when the time was right.
And indeed, when the time was right, it was something we both readily and wholeheartedly latched onto. There was no question of incentives or worry of values misalignment. We knew, after much observation, that we were both malleable and would adapt to contain each other.
He is my lead emotional investor, and I am his. This is someone with whom I easily maintain a fine balance of advancing individual goals, while actively intertwining him into other elements of my life. I run my decisions by him, and he keeps me level-headed. When someone understands and sees you so completely, nothing is - or can be - hidden. It boils down to open, honest feedback. It’s neither combative nor sugarcoated. There are no strings attached, nothing withheld, simply a mutual desire to win big, together. There is no greater feeling.
–
I often wake up earlier than he does and, in the morning stillness he would love, I marvel at his existence. I marvel that, in the entire history of the universe, on the entire terrain of the Earth, I was gifted the opportunity to witness him in such close proximity. There are moments I have to remind myself he’s real, he's here, as he is.
The heart is a muscle - it is elastic, it morphs, it grows. What a blessing it is to love someone to the fullest each and every day.
What a blessing it is to have found you.
顏
It’s an in-yun if two strangers
even walk by each other on the street
and their clothes accidentally brush.
Because it means there must have been
something between them in their past lives.
If two people get married,
they say it’s because there have been
8,000 layers of in-yun
over 8,000 lifetimes.
—
I hadn't paid much attention to the boy on the screen. I’d walked into a restaurant, sat next to my friends, and there he was - on a 6x3 video call. A brisk hello, a push of a button, and then he was gone.
I asked who he was; they smiled, with a hint of glee - or perhaps mischief, perhaps anticipation.
.
You’d get along, they quipped. You read, he reads. He reads a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Classics. Hemingway. Oh! You'll be in the same city next month!
They showed me two images on his profile - one with a series of books laid flat on a wooden table, another with an oddly shaped bookshelf, lined with rows and rows of books. I see classics. I see Hemingway.
I’d fallen in love with his bookshelf first, but of course, he had no idea.
—
The first time I really saw him, he had been elbows-deep in soapy sink water, scrubbing away at a pot or a pan or whatever contraption he had used to prepare the meal. The room had been unbearably loud, filled with the clanking of glasses, the clamouring of voices, the competing conversations.
His silence cut through the noise. I hadn’t been looking for him - in fact, I’d been avoiding eye contact, wanting nothing more than to retreat to my room - but recognized him instantly. He was unbothered by the chaos, nonchalantly washing dishes, eyes steady. I sat on a bar stool and ate my dinner in silence. We said little that night - the conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes.
—
He reappeared a few days later. He had been reading papers by a window in a dimly-lit cafe, something on recombinant DNA. I’d gone to meet him with a mutual friend, and by the end of that night, the two of us had chatted for four, maybe five hours.
I describe that encounter as finding my second brain. My better brain. Every so often, our lucky stars align just enough that we meet someone we innately know are on the same wavelength. It’s refreshing because they understand you in your entirety, can understand your thought process, without the need for extensive explanation.
This type of closeness is typically built over time. A close friend bears witness to your circumstances and your growth over an extended period, gathering enough data points to form intuitive feedback and responses. Very rarely does someone you’ve only known for five hours finish your sentences so effortlessly, reiterate your thinking so concisely, and rally your jokes so punnily.
That conversation holds an indescribable weight in my head and heart. Words don’t do it justice. The best phrasing I can offer is that it all felt natural. Intuitive. We built ideas that were complex, but it all came easily. There was no point where I felt like I had to hold back, filter my words, or downplay my emotions.
—
There are moments when we wonder what would have happened if we’d initiated something earlier, changing the course of circumstance. What if we had more time?
It’s fun to let my mind wander - if one teeny-tiny decision had been altered (imagine the verse-jumping map from Everything Everywhere All At Once) how would things have been different?
The conclusion I've reached is that everything happened how it was supposed to, when it was supposed to. All the knowing looks and inside jokes were made possible only because we were best friends from the start. These are our first principles.
Each interaction was honest because there were no expectations, no partnership or romantic future at stake. I could give him my most candid thoughts. He could (and did) give me his worst wordplays. I could carefully unveil and polish each gear in his mind, turning them when the time was right.
And indeed, when the time was right, it was something we both readily and wholeheartedly latched onto. There was no question of incentives or worry of values misalignment. We knew, after much observation, that we were both malleable and would adapt to contain each other.
He is my lead emotional investor, and I am his. This is someone with whom I easily maintain a fine balance of advancing individual goals, while actively intertwining him into other elements of my life. I run my decisions by him, and he keeps me level-headed. When someone understands and sees you so completely, nothing is - or can be - hidden. It boils down to open, honest feedback. It’s neither combative nor sugarcoated. There are no strings attached, nothing withheld, simply a mutual desire to win big, together. There is no greater feeling.
–
I often wake up earlier than he does and, in the morning stillness he would love, I marvel at his existence. I marvel that, in the entire history of the universe, on the entire terrain of the Earth, I was gifted the opportunity to witness him in such close proximity. There are moments I have to remind myself he’s real, he's here, as he is.
The heart is a muscle - it is elastic, it morphs, it grows. What a blessing it is to love someone to the fullest each and every day.
What a blessing it is to have found you.
顏